Story behind "Ugly Child" by Mission Man

As of the time of this writing, February 19th, 2008, I (Mission Man) believe this is by far my best song. It's very personal, and I love the music as well. I think it's my best written song. As is the case with a few songs from "31" I was sleeping in a closet when I wrote it. Someone close to me was sick at the time, so I let that person sleep on my couch, while I slept in a closet to have some privacy. The situation forced me to learn a tremendous amount about myself. It forced me way out of my comfort zone, and I saw a part of life most people don't get to see. As part of learning about myself, I went through a phase were I got into fashion, briefly and with no conviction. I read Men's Health, and watched reality TV (too much of it during spring break of 2007). I learned that somewhere, someone looked down on me because I wore jeans shorts (I actually had a fan stop talking to me once because I was wearing jeans shorts; she literally said "you're wearing jeans shorts. Don't do that" and walked away from me). It turns out that any shorts are completely unfashionable (unless, according to one particular magazine, you have hairy legs, then somehow it's ok). I'm also never supposed to wear white socks under any circumstances apparently. Blah blah blah. The fashion industry is disgusting. It's built upon destroying people's self esteem (this used to be limited to women, but under financial pressure to increase their bottom lines, many companies have now targeted men, and I expect male lipstick, or at the very least mascara, to be on the market any day now) so that we become convinced we need their products. The fitness industry has become guilty of this as well, since they market their products in a similar way. Every piece of fitness equipment I've ever seen advertised uses men and women who are in pique physical condition. Instead of talking about the health benefits, though, they attack the potential consumer's insecurities about not having a six pack, or being a couple sizes too large, or not having firm enough breasts. They try to convince us that we need to get in shape to look better, as though being more physically attractive is the answer to all of the world's problems. As a very strong person who can think for himself and see through all the nonsense, I noticed myself starting to base my self esteem just a little on my looks. That's when I gave up on fashion completely. That's when I decided I needed to write this song.

Your looks should have nothing to do with your self-esteem. For that matter, your intelligence, your financial success, your awards, your athletic abilities, your job skills, and anything similar should have nothing to do with your self-esteem. Self-esteem, for me, comes from how I treat myself and how I treat others, and that's with respect, and by giving as much love to people as I can. I will never lose sight of that, regardless of how much money I have (or how broke I am) or how good I look (or how bad my skin is on any given day) or whether I'm a 38" waist (or a 31" waist). I felt the impact of the song would be increased if I was as personal as possible. That's why I discuss my bad teeth, bad acne, uncoordinated too skinny frame, and thick bottle cap glasses that I had when I was 12. That's why I talk about the fact that I was a big nerd, and was in love with Winnie Cooper, and idolized Alex P Keaton. That's also why I discuss the fact that my confidence was never based on my looks. It was based mainly on my intelligence when I was a kid, because I didn't realize how important respect for others was, and it was easy to base my confidence on my academic abilities because my educational course was accelerated. I'm truly blessed that I've had the same best friend for over 22 years. That made most of the difficult situations I would face as a teenager much easier, and gave me greater appreciation for what really mattered. I'm also truly blessed to have the family I had. You likely already know how much I love my mom, and how much I miss her. She is the greatest role model I've ever had. My father was always very supportive in my decision to follow my musical dreams, as were my brother and sisters.

Oh, one line that I feel needs particular attention is this:

"My mental heatlh makes me amazingly attractive, even though physically I am average." I in no way mean that I'm a very attractive person. I'm not Brad Pitt. I'm closer to Conan O'Brien mixed with Will Ferrell. I simply mean that it's amazing that I am attractive given my average physical looks, and my mental health is the cause of that attractiveness. It comes from being genuine, honest, trusting, trustworthy, and respectful (for myself and others).

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